ABOUT FREAKING TIME
COMEDY / SCI-FI
By Rich Kern
3
INT. COLLEGE DORM ROOM.
ROBERT
Put the shirt on and get a pen, I have the test answers for you to copy.
TIME TRAVEL WHOOSH
CLOSET DOOR OPEN
(BOB 1 enters from ROB’s closet holding an AC/DC shirt.)
BOB 1
No, Rob. You must wear the AC/DC shirt instead!
ROBERT
Dammit Bob, quit following me around.
BOB 1
You know it won’t work Robert, he must fulfill his destiny.
ROB
So you are old me, and you are really old me? I just keep getting fatter and fatter, don’t I.
BOB 1
First of all, they still call it a Dad-Bod when I’m from, and some people say it’s hot. But since you mention it, if you could start some good exercise habits it would really help me out. Everyone’s metabolism slows in their forties.
ROB
So you came back to give me health advice?
BOB 1
That’s a great idea, but no. I’m here to say you must not cheat on the physics final. You will fail, but you will master the concepts later and discover time travel.
ROB
Whoa.
BOB 1
And there will be some pretty hard times, but your obsession with your own mistakes is how you learn.
4
ROB
But wait, if you know the test is today, why didn’t you show up weeks ago and tell me to study?
(BOB 1 and ROBERT burst into laughter.)
ROBERT
As if nobody tried that! Tell you to study. Ha ha.
BOB 1
I’ve traveled to your past a hundred times. You find a new distraction whenever I remove one. Your failure to study before today might be a fundamental property of the universe.
ROBERT
It’s true. Bob tried stealing your PlayStation, jamming your Wi-Fi, hiding your phone… Bob, remember when you called the cops on Matt’s homecoming party? You got it shut down early and Rob never made it there.
ROB
But I remember that party. It was a rager.
BOB 1
There’s a branch of time where you never went to it. You watched 5 episodes of Ancient Aliens on Netflix instead.
(End of Sample Excerpt)
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